| For all those of you contemplating marriage here is | | | | Ever read about those endurance weekends where |
| some timely advice. | | | | athletes are taken away and put through torture as a |
| Go camping! | | | | way of getting them to bond? As far as I can tell, that |
| And if you can manage it, see if you can get it to rain | | | | is basically camping with children. |
| heavily, take a tent that leaks, and particularly make | | | | Imagine day after day stuck in tent that leaks with |
| sure you take some kids along with you as well. | | | | bored children, all roads in and out flooded, a gas |
| Years ago in another life, I was teaching overseas a | | | | cooker which has run out of gas, rain so hard you think |
| University Girls Class in English as a second language | | | | you are going to go mad, endless cold tinned food, |
| and we had to come up with topics that would get the | | | | leeches just thirsting for your blood, the indefinable |
| class fired up and interested in speaking so much so | | | | smell of damp clothes and wet hair. |
| that they wanted to be understood so that they | | | | And you planned it, you went and bought special gear |
| attached a lot of intensity to communicating. | | | | and took time off work, missed your local football |
| (As an aside I had a mad English (well Manchester is in | | | | match, spent God knows how much on fuel, getting |
| England) friend who was so aggrieved that his | | | | the car serviced, sleeping at night on cold hard wet |
| contract was not being extended as his students had | | | | ground, while all the time you have a lovely dry home |
| complained he was not speaking English they | | | | you are paying off somewhere. |
| understood from their lifetime exposure to American | | | | And yet on day four, the rain cleared, the water had |
| English, that he set as the exam for that year that the | | | | washed everything from the trees to the sky clean, |
| class had to listen along to REM's "End of The World | | | | the children were excited about watching the creeks |
| As We Know It" and write down large chunks of | | | | flood into the river and the crabs were just walking into |
| missing lyrics.) | | | | the pots. |
| We came up with a topic that went along the lines of | | | | Something magical happened that you would never |
| 'how do you get to know a guy really well before you | | | | have got at home watching TV. |
| consider marrying them?'. | | | | People all around emerged from their little tents, swags |
| So we came up with a list of ways we called 'try | | | | and vans, just happy to see the sun. |
| before you buy'. | | | | A huge impromptu lunch was thrown together with |
| We started out slow with safe topics like go find out | | | | roast crab, tinned whatever, egg salad from a local |
| their favourite movie, what type of food do they like, | | | | farm that had just rebuilt its bridge. |
| but then it got interesting as they started to get into it. | | | | The children in that magical way of theirs seemed to |
| Here are just some of what came out... | | | | find each other in the clearing by the trees and played |
| 1. Get them really, really, really drunk, | | | | madly, happily, joyously with 4 days of cooped up |
| 2. Spill boiling coffee on them, (that's boiling boys, you | | | | wiggles and craziness lighting up their games as rocket |
| heard it here first, girls are mean!), | | | | fuel. |
| 3. Scratch/crash their car, | | | | The beers came out and we met people we would |
| 4. Scratch/crash their parent's car, | | | | never have talked to otherwise as all the tensions and |
| 5. Borrow money from them and gamble it away, | | | | frustrations of the past four days were washed away, |
| 6. Get them involved in a fight, | | | | someone hooked up some outdoor speakers to their |
| 7. Embarrass them in front of their boss, | | | | car stereo and as the afternoon sun shone gold some |
| 8. Go camping with them! | | | | early John Mellancamp reminded us of how simple it is |
| It was the last of these I thought of recently as we | | | | to be happy. |
| were in the middle of a camping trip. | | | | Ah camping, the best of times, the worst of times. |
| Now happily married with 2 children I am here to say | | | | Perhaps there is some merit to considering it as a valid |
| that camping brings out your true nature like nothing | | | | trial of married life after all. |
| else. | | | | |