| I have had an exciting morning today. I was filming an | | | | words or a phrase, then take a quick pause, then |
| upcoming television show here in Toronto. The show is | | | | continue with a few more words or the next phrase. |
| called "Save Us From Our House" and is aired on the | | | | Think how Barack Obama speaks; calm, cool and in |
| W Network. It is a half-hour show where they try to | | | | control. It is strong but not aggressive. |
| help a family with two key problems; one is their | | | | 5 - Use positive language. Instead of saying the first |
| current living conditions and the other is effective | | | | thing in your head, ask yourself internally if there is a |
| communication. As my brother would tell you, I can't fix | | | | softer, less aggressive way to say what you want to |
| or build things very well (my brother can fix anything | | | | say. Try not to blame or accuse others. Instead of |
| from a toaster to a helicopter...) so you know I was not | | | | pointing the finger, just speak about your own feelings |
| there to repair the home. I was there to do what I do | | | | and expectations first. Ask questions to clarify or give |
| best - help people communicate better. | | | | the person a chance to explain themselves. Staying |
| Time was limited. I usually have a chance to give new | | | | positive helps keeps things from getting personal and |
| clients a full hour assessment and structure a coaching | | | | out of control. It is very difficult to have a healthy |
| program where we meet once or twice a week, for a | | | | conversation or persuade someone to do what you |
| series of six to twelve weeks. Today however, things | | | | want when they feel under attack. They will resist |
| were different. I had only twenty minutes to talk to this | | | | everything you say, regardless of any logic presented. |
| wonderful family and then dish out some quick and | | | | 6 - Do not shout. Ever. If you feel the need to talk |
| pertinent advice to assist their communication | | | | louder than the other person, that means you are not |
| improvement. Then, it was "Action" and the rest of my | | | | listening. Be quiet and listen first before you make your |
| advice would have to be given on the fly, while the | | | | points. Use medium volume in your speaking. If |
| family went shopping and while the cameras were | | | | someone shouts at you do not engage in conversation |
| rolling. It was an enjoyable experience and I believe | | | | until they are calmed down. Shouting is simply not |
| that even in a short time the family learned a lot, | | | | necessary to convey your points. |
| especially since they will have the benefit of watching | | | | 7 - Do not argue. It is fine to state what you want or |
| the show over and over again, and hear me coaching | | | | need or feel, but it is not okay to argue and treat a |
| them on how to improve their 3 Vs of communication. | | | | conversation like a competition. Competitions are for |
| I do not know yet when this episode will air, as they | | | | sports and games with rules. If you think that you must |
| are still filming. It may be quite a while before it hits the | | | | 'win' the argument that means you are forcing the |
| air, so for now I would like to give you all the same top | | | | other person to 'lose'. How does it feel when you lose |
| 7 tips for communicating calmly that I gave the family. | | | | at something? Not so good right? So do not make |
| By the way, I would like to take this time to say hello to | | | | another person feel that way, especially a friend or |
| that wonderful family: Wilson, Belisa, Kaitlin and Julian - | | | | family member. Do you really want them to feel like a |
| you all did a great job today, and I know you love each | | | | 'loser'? |
| other very much. Good luck with your new house, | | | | Enjoy the tips and I will let you know when the episode |
| whenever they are finished renovating it. I can't wait to | | | | airs. However, if you feel that you could benefit from |
| see it on T.V.! | | | | effective communication training, especially if you are |
| Okay, here are the Top 7 Tips to communicating | | | | interested in building more confident communications in |
| calmly: | | | | your professional life, then please check out the next |
| 1 - Look at the person you are talking to. Square your | | | | Toronto communication workshop, running November |
| body and hips. Make eye contact. Relax your face | | | | 8th. We will be in a downtown hotel, have catered |
| muscles and then relax all of your muscles. Smile (5%) | | | | lunch, and everyone will get a free coaching session |
| as you listen. | | | | as well as a discount off any future workshop or |
| 2 - Use open body language. Lean in slightly; do not | | | | coaching program. It is a great time to invest in your |
| cross your arms, legs or ankles (no matter how | | | | future success! |
| comfortable it is) and try to keep your shoulders | | | | Any questions about the workshop, or anything else, |
| relaxed. That not only helps you relax and relieve | | | | please do not hesitate to ask. |
| tension, but it also encourages the other person(s) to | | | | P.S. I think I should also let you know that I have been |
| adopt the same body language. Do not use fists, | | | | more active with my blog lately, and you may find |
| interlocked fingers or other close-handed gestures. Use | | | | some great communication tips and resources there. I |
| open-palmed ones instead. Do not point at others. | | | | have recently posted things on leadership, NLP, |
| 3 - Breathe. Breathe before, during and after your | | | | Entrepreneurialism, ESL resources, and a free ebook |
| difficult or heated discussion. If necessary take a few | | | | called Communication Mosaic. |
| seconds or a minute before responding to collect your | | | | Thank you. |
| thoughts. Count to ten if you need to. | | | | All the best! |
| 4 - Control your pace. It is not a race right? Say a few | | | | |