| Grief is the normal and natural reaction when a pet | | | | Keep in mind that the death of a beloved pet can |
| has died. Everyone, including children perceives loss | | | | invoke feelings that can be just as painful as the death |
| differently. Grief is a very personal and unique | | | | of a person for children of all ages. Tell your child the |
| experience. One of the most difficult tasks for grieving | | | | truth about their pet, do not replace it and hope that |
| children is to learn how to incorporate the death of a | | | | they won't notice. It is helpful to their growth and |
| pet into their life and to figure out how to go on living | | | | development through childhood to learn how to |
| without them. | | | | process bad news and begin accepting that death is a |
| Regardless of their age, children can experience | | | | natural part of life. Include children whenever possible |
| shock, denial, confusion, sadness, anger, blame, | | | | when disposing of their pet's body and ask them about |
| withdrawal, wishing, acceptance and healing after a | | | | how they would like to say their final good-bye. |
| pet dies. Keep in mind that children grieve differently at | | | | Children have the natural ability to balance compassion |
| different ages. Younger children do not understand | | | | and creativity to ensure that their pet has a meaningful |
| that death is final, sometimes not until the ages of nine | | | | burial or funeral. They may even wish to invite friends |
| or ten years. It is important that adults support children | | | | to honor the life of their pet. |
| based on their individual needs as well as each child's | | | | Ages 10-12 |
| unique ability to comprehend the finality of death. The | | | | Children of this age group may want to help you make |
| younger the child, the more confusing the finality of | | | | decisions about the disposal of their pet's body. |
| death can be. | | | | However, know that they may also be quite |
| It is important to be honest with children, but remember, | | | | squeamish. They may find significance and meaning in |
| that sometimes less information is better. Do not tell | | | | rituals that honor others, even their pet. A special pet |
| you child that you sent their pet away, when it has | | | | frame or Pet Loss Tomauro(R) Kit may be helpful to |
| actually died. You could gently let children know that his | | | | memorialize their beloved pet. Do not attempt to |
| pet's body was badly hurt in an accident and that its | | | | replace your pet with one that looks similar to lessen a |
| body cold not be fixed or that her pet's body stopped | | | | child's grief. Talk to them about the feelings children |
| working. Parents are often confused about how to | | | | and adults have after someone or something they |
| explain when a pet is "put to sleep". You could use this | | | | love dies to help them process their own feelings. |
| term with children, but remember to explain the | | | | Teenagers |
| difference between death and sleep and that their pet | | | | The bond between a teen and their pet contains such |
| will not be coming back. | | | | unconditional qualities; therefore the death of a pet can |
| It not necessary to try to make your child believe that | | | | be devastating to a teen. It is likely that teenagers |
| death is final. Understand that acquiring this information | | | | experiencing this type of loss may have enjoyed |
| is a natural developmental process that happens when | | | | several years with their pet throughout their childhood. |
| your child is ready to accept it. You may even notice | | | | It is important to validate and not minimize this type of |
| that it may seem like your child fully understands that | | | | loss for teenagers. They can benefit from hugs, offers |
| death is final, only to be surprised a few weeks later | | | | to help them cope and little notes that show you care. |
| to learn that they do not. This is perfectly normal. | | | | Pet loss can induce many different feelings in |
| Believe in your child's ability to create a meaningful | | | | teenagers and it is important that you allow them |
| goodbye for their pet. Encourage them to make a | | | | opportunities to process their loss in ways that they |
| special goodbye picture, write a letter to their pet or to | | | | feel comfortable, as long as they are safe. |
| have a special funeral or memorial service for their | | | | Activities for All Ages |
| beloved pet. | | | | - Draw a picture about your pet. Have your child tell |
| Age Specific Responses | | | | you about his/her picture. |
| Ages 3-6 | | | | - Document funny stories and special memories. |
| Suppose you have to tell your 4 year old that his pet | | | | Gather together pictures for a scrapbook or journal. |
| has died. You may say,"Remember how Skippy didn't | | | | - Buy a headstone or decorate a rock to place at the |
| come home last night? I have some very sad news, | | | | burial site. |
| Daddy found him this morning and he had been hit by | | | | - If your pet is cremated, involve your child in the |
| a car. His body was so hurt from the accident that he | | | | decision about where to scatter or place the ashes. |
| died. Do you know what it means to die?" Don't be | | | | - Create a memory box. Decorate the outside. Place |
| surprised if your child refuses to believe you, or insists | | | | inside special momentos, a dog tag, toy, etc... |
| that she saw her pet or heard him barking. Gently | | | | - Plant a tree or bush in memory of your pet, |
| sympathize with you child, "That would be nice, but | | | | especially in an area outside that your pet enjoyed. |
| Skippy died, and we are all going to miss him very | | | | - Donate money to an animal related charity in |
| much." | | | | memory of your pet. |
| Ages 7-9 | | | | ©2003, Hoping Skills Company. All rights reserved. |