| My 28 month old son has been going to camp | | | | or daycare: |
| this summer. The first day was a shock for | | | | |
| him. He had never been left lone with anyone | | | | 1. Ideally, start occasionally using a |
| but family and suddenly daddy was leaving him | | | | babysitter after six months of age for short |
| in a strange place. I followed the camp's | | | | periods to build trust in adults. Play dates |
| advice to quickly separate myself, reassure | | | | by 12 months, and eventually preschool or |
| him one more time and walk out the door, | | | | daycare by age 3 or 4 can be helpful to |
| rather than have us both suffer a long, weepy | | | | prepare for the bigger challenges of |
| departure. | | | | kindergarten. |
| | | | |
| A week later I was summoned to meet with the | | | | 2. Be supportive of your child's feelings |
| school director. My suspicion was that they | | | | even if he cries and "acts like a baby." Do |
| were kicking us out because he was just too | | | | not scold or make fun of him. Let the child |
| much of a distraction to his pint-sized | | | | know that you understand how scary it is to |
| playmates. Instead, the director had convened | | | | be separated from daddy without dwelling on |
| all the pre-school teachers to discuss how we | | | | the negative. |
| could turn the situation around and relieve | | | | |
| his fears. The tips they gave me changed my | | | | 3. When leaving, give a quick kiss, a |
| son's experience completely. The crying and | | | | goodbye, and promise that someone will be |
| fear didn't go away immediately, but I was | | | | back to pick her up. Don't sneak out of the |
| able to leave him with no tears (mine or his) | | | | room. |
| by the second day. | | | | |
| | | | 4. Bring along things from home to remind the |
| Here are some things I learned that might | | | | child of security. Recommended objects would |
| help you on the first day of school: | | | | be a stuffed animal that always goes to |
| | | | school and a photo of the family. Suggest to |
| 1. Fear of separation is normal for kids and | | | | your child that he or she tell the teachers |
| most common times are around eight months, | | | | about the importance of these objects. |
| twelve months and anywhere between 18 months | | | | |
| and three years, generally peaking around | | | | 5. Avoid communicating your fears and worries |
| 12-24 months. Kids cry either because they | | | | about your child. Always talk about school as |
| are afraid you are leaving and will not | | | | a positive upbeat experience. Talk to |
| return, or when they see you come back, | | | | teachers and learn the highlights of the day |
| because it reminds them of how they felt when | | | | and the names of the other kids so you can |
| you left. | | | | remind your child about the fun times he will |
| | | | have again. |
| 2. Fear of separation can change from day to | | | | |
| day and from parent to parent. Don't feel bad | | | | 6. Continue morning and evening rituals. |
| if you're not the desired parent on a | | | | Avoid scary TV shows or talk that increases |
| particular day. | | | | your child's fears. |
| | | | |
| 3. Adults feel sadness and anxiety as well | | | | 7. Avoid the temptation to give in and skip |
| when separated from loved ones, but we have a | | | | school or cancel all together. If your child |
| better notion of time and can handle it | | | | does stay home, do not make it an extra fun |
| better. This may help you understand your | | | | day. |
| child's fears. | | | | |
| | | | Good luck Dad. This is a hard step for your |
| 4. Many factors can worsen separation fears, | | | | child and for you, but it's a necessary part |
| including tiredness, illness, changes in | | | | of teaching them to leave the nest. |
| household routine, or changes in caregiver at | | | | |
| the school or daycare center. | | | | Soon after a baby is born, every new dad |
| | | | experiences it-a sharp jolt of reality that |
| The first experiences with separation are | | | | summons him to newer responsibilities and |
| important because they are foundations for | | | | expectations that he'll have to fulfill in |
| building confidence for future separations. | | | | the coming years. The changes a baby brings |
| | | | into your life are almost always surprising. |
| Now some tips for those first days of school | | | | |