| My 28 month old son has been going to
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| | Now some tips for those first days of
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| camp this summer. The first day was a
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| | school or daycare:
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| shock for him. He had never been left
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| | 1. Ideally, start occasionally using a
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| lone with anyone but family and suddenly
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| | babysitter after six months of age for
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| daddy was leaving him in a strange place.
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| | short periods to build trust in adults.
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| I followed the camp's advice to quickly
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| | Play dates by 12 months, and eventually
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| separate myself, reassure him one more
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| | preschool or daycare by age 3 or 4 can be
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| time and walk out the door, rather than
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| | helpful to prepare for the bigger
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| have us both suffer a long, weepy
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| | challenges of kindergarten.
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| departure.
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| | 2. Be supportive of your child's feelings
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| A week later I was summoned to meet with
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| | even if he cries and "acts like a baby."
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| the school director. My suspicion was
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| | Do not scold or make fun of him. Let the
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| that they were kicking us out because he
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| | child know that you understand how scary
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| was just too much of a distraction to his
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| | it is to be separated from daddy without
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| pint-sized playmates. Instead, the
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| | dwelling on the negative.
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| director had convened all the pre-school
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| | 3. When leaving, give a quick kiss, a
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| teachers to discuss how we could turn the
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| | goodbye, and promise that someone will be
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| situation around and relieve his fears.
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| | back to pick her up. Don't sneak out of
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| The tips they gave me changed my son's
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| | the room.
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| experience completely. The crying and
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| | 4. Bring along things from home to remind
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| fear didn't go away immediately, but I
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| | the child of security. Recommended
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| was able to leave him with no tears (mine
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| | objects would be a stuffed animal that
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| or his) by the second day.
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| | always goes to school and a photo of the
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| Here are some things I learned that might
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| | family. Suggest to your child that he or
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| help you on the first day of school:
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| | she tell the teachers about the
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| 1. Fear of separation is normal for kids
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| | importance of these objects.
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| and most common times are around eight
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| | 5. Avoid communicating your fears and
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| months, twelve months and anywhere
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| | worries about your child. Always talk
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| between 18 months and three years,
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| | about school as a positive upbeat
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| generally peaking around 12-24 months.
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| | experience. Talk to teachers and learn
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| Kids cry either because they are afraid
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| | the highlights of the day and the names
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| you are leaving and will not return, or
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| | of the other kids so you can remind your
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| when they see you come back, because it
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| | child about the fun times he will have
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| reminds them of how they felt when you
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| | again.
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| left.
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| | 6. Continue morning and evening rituals.
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| 2. Fear of separation can change from day
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| | Avoid scary TV shows or talk that
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| to day and from parent to parent. Don't
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| | increases your child's fears.
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| feel bad if you're not the desired parent
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| | 7. Avoid the temptation to give in and
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| on a particular day.
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| | skip school or cancel all together. If
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| 3. Adults feel sadness and anxiety as
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| | your child does stay home, do not make it
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| well when separated from loved ones, but
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| | an extra fun day.
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| we have a better notion of time and can
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| | Good luck Dad. This is a hard step for
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| handle it better. This may help you
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| | your child and for you, but it's a
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| understand your child's fears.
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| | necessary part of teaching them to leave
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| 4. Many factors can worsen separation
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| | the nest.
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| fears, including tiredness, illness,
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| | Soon after a baby is born, every new dad
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| changes in household routine, or changes
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| | experiences it-a sharp jolt of reality
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| in caregiver at the school or daycare
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| | that summons him to newer
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| center.
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| | responsibilities and expectations that
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| The first experiences with separation are
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| | he'll have to fulfill in the coming
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| important because they are foundations
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| | years. The changes a baby brings into
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| for building confidence for future
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| | your life are almost always surprising.
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| separations.
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