Tips for Dads: kids and separation anxiety on the first day of school

My 28 month old son has been going to camp thisNow some tips for those first days of school or
summer. The first day was a shock for him. He haddaycare:
never been left lone with anyone but family and1. Ideally, start occasionally using a babysitter after six
suddenly daddy was leaving him in a strange place. Imonths of age for short periods to build trust in adults.
followed the camp's advice to quickly separate myself,Play dates by 12 months, and eventually preschool or
reassure him one more time and walk out the door,daycare by age 3 or 4 can be helpful to prepare for
rather than have us both suffer a long, weepythe bigger challenges of kindergarten.
departure.2. Be supportive of your child's feelings even if he cries
A week later I was summoned to meet with theand "acts like a baby." Do not scold or make fun of
school director. My suspicion was that they werehim. Let the child know that you understand how scary
kicking us out because he was just too much of ait is to be separated from daddy without dwelling on
distraction to his pint-sized playmates. Instead, thethe negative.
director had convened all the pre-school teachers to3. When leaving, give a quick kiss, a goodbye, and
discuss how we could turn the situation around andpromise that someone will be back to pick her up.
relieve his fears. The tips they gave me changed myDon't sneak out of the room.
son's experience completely. The crying and fear didn't4. Bring along things from home to remind the child of
go away immediately, but I was able to leave him withsecurity. Recommended objects would be a stuffed
no tears (mine or his) by the second day.animal that always goes to school and a photo of the
Here are some things I learned that might help you onfamily. Suggest to your child that he or she tell the
the first day of school:teachers about the importance of these objects.
1. Fear of separation is normal for kids and most5. Avoid communicating your fears and worries about
common times are around eight months, twelveyour child. Always talk about school as a positive
months and anywhere between 18 months and threeupbeat experience. Talk to teachers and learn the
years, generally peaking around 12-24 months. Kids cryhighlights of the day and the names of the other kids
either because they are afraid you are leaving and willso you can remind your child about the fun times he
not return, or when they see you come back, becausewill have again.
it reminds them of how they felt when you left.6. Continue morning and evening rituals. Avoid scary
2. Fear of separation can change from day to dayTV shows or talk that increases your child's fears.
and from parent to parent. Don't feel bad if you're not7. Avoid the temptation to give in and skip school or
the desired parent on a particular day.cancel all together. If your child does stay home, do not
3. Adults feel sadness and anxiety as well whenmake it an extra fun day.
separated from loved ones, but we have a betterGood luck Dad. This is a hard step for your child and
notion of time and can handle it better. This may helpfor you, but it's a necessary part of teaching them to
you understand your child's fears.leave the nest.
4. Many factors can worsen separation fears, includingSoon after a baby is born, every new dad
tiredness, illness, changes in household routine, orexperiences it-a sharp jolt of reality that summons him
changes in caregiver at the school or daycare center.to newer responsibilities and expectations that he'll
The first experiences with separation are importanthave to fulfill in the coming years. The changes a baby
because they are foundations for building confidencebrings into your life are almost always surprising.
for future separations.